The Psychology of a Goat
by Father Maxwell
Summary: A study on Shiori, explaining how she came to be the way she was in the series and how she finally broke out of it. PG for non-hentai yuri themes.


---I got a note on my "Living, Breathing Miracle" story that said somebody should write a story about Shiori's feelings and such. Inspiration struck immediately. So I would like to thanks this anonymous "Thorne" for the inspiration to write this. I actually think it's pretty good. So, without further adieu.....  
  
  
  
  
  
The Psychology Of A Goat  
By Samurai Dusk  
  
  
  
Hello. My name is Takatsuki Shiori. I know most of you out there fondly refer to me as 'The Goat." I also know that you call me that because of my actions. Do you judge everybody by their actions? Believe it or not, my actions have little or nothing to do with how I feel.   
  
I know I'm cruel to Juri-san. I realize that. But you don't understand. Maybe I should back it up a little bit.   
  
Growing up with Juri-san was hard. It wasn't growing up *with* her, it was actually more like growing up in her shadow. She was always everything I always wanted to be. She was beautiful, smart, talented, good at everything. Everybody liked her. Nobody liked me, much less knew my name. I was always 'that girl who hangs out with Juri.' I was never pretty, smart, or talented. I faded into the background. Yet Juri-san was my best friend. I never deserved her. I still can't figure out what it is she ever saw in me. Yet she was there just the same. We shared a room in the academy, and would stay up until all hours giggling in the dark. We were inseparable. We always ate lunch together, walked to and from classes when we could, and even joined the same club at school: The Fencing Club. Juri-san was an excellent fencer, of course. I quit after two years because, like with most other things, I just wasn't good enough.   
  
I always envied Juri-san. Don't get me wrong, I never hated her. I could never hate her. I was just jealous. I wanted to be pretty. I wanted to be smart, talented, and popular. Yet Juri-san always seemed to be in my way. And no matter how hard I tried, I could never escape her shadow.   
  
Then the boy came into our lives. I immediately fell in love with him, and he immediately fell in love with Juri-san. I guess I did hate her for that. Just another rejection.   
  
Juri-san wore a locket, a beautiful, rose-shaped golden locket. I always assumed it was that boy in the locket, but she would never show me. This really was probably the last straw in my relationship with Juri-san. We had always told each other everything before. Now it was like she couldn't trust me. I couldn't take it.   
  
I wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to feel that pain, that suffering, that rejection that I had experienced so many times over the years. So I stole him from her. Or so I thought.   
  
Dating him wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and I quickly got bored with the relationship. I only stayed with him so I could see that hurt in Juri-san's eyes when she saw us together. I finally broke things off when I transferred out of the academy.   
  
In a new school, I started a new life. A life without Juri-san, where I could shine, and not have to be overshadowed by her. I was finally free. Or so I thought.  
  
Night after night, I was plagued by guilt. How could I have done this to my best friend? Juri-san, the only person who ever saw me for who I really was. But I pushed all these thoughts to the back of my mind. I couldn't dwell on them. I was not going to let Juri-san haunt me forever. I had finally broken free, and I was determined to enjoy every second of it.   
  
It was at this school that I developed into the 'goat' I am today. I stopped giving a damn about anything, whether I hurt people, whether I hurt myself. I didn't care. I was just finally free. I began to date. A lot. On some nights I would go out with as many as 3 different guys. I was 14 when I finally gave into one of them and lost my innocence. I was hurting myself, I knew it. But I didn't care.  
  
When I was 16 I transferred back to Ohtori Academy. I had changed so much since I was there last. I was now twisted and cruel. And most of all, I was determined not to let Juri-san stand in my way anymore. I was back, and I was going to create a new name for myself.   
  
I'm sure you know how it goes from here. With the help of Ruka, that bastard, I found out whose picture was in the locket that had plagued me so many years ago. Me. Of course. Deep down inside, I had always known. I just never wanted to admit it. Did I want it to be me? I don't know....  
  
Anyway, Mikage turned my feelings against me, and I dueled Utena in the arena. I'm not supposed to have remembered that. Yet I do.   
  
The last time you saw me I was again in Juri-san's shadow, following her into the sunset. After I had worked so hard all those years to break out of her shadow, there I was again. Only this time it was willingly. I was cruel to Juri-san when I teased her with the locket. And I hate myself for it. I was always cruel to Juri-san, really. Believe me, it hurt me. It hurt me more than you will ever know. I just wanted to run to Juri-san, and hug her, and tell her that everything was all right, and I wished she would have told me sooner. But I was infected with that terrible disease called jealousy, which made me remember all the times I was in her shadow, and how, just for once, I wanted to be in control.   
  
It did give me a small feeling of self-satisfaction, teasing Juri-san. But that was nothing compared to the pain. I just wanted her to forgive me for all that I had done. But by this point I believed it wasn't possible. So I continued to hurt her. Until that day, that fateful day. When she returned from the hospital and walked into the sunset. I really, truly wanted her to forgive me. I wanted to change. Even if it meant going back into her shadow, I didn't care. I wanted to start over.   
  
And we have been able to start over. Juri-san and I both remained at that academy until graduation. We were closer than ever. And we both changed, for the better. Juri-san because less cold and withdrawn, and even started to make friends. I never played with Juri-san's heart again. We shared a room again, like when we were children, and the night before graduation, I was able to finally share a moment of true happiness with the person I had always loved.   
  
Now, ten years after graduating from Ohtori Academy, I can finally say I'm happy that it was I in the locket. Juri-san and I share a small apartment in Tokyo. She works as a journalist for a local paper, and teaches a fencing class and bowls with a league in her spare time. I'm working as a therapist for troubled children, like I once was. And we're both very, very happy.   
  
Oh, and Juri-san doesn't seek to disprove the power of miracles anymore, either.   
  
  
END  
  
Obligatory Disclaimer- Juri, Shiori, Ruka, and Shoujo Kakumei Utena in general belong to Chiho Saito/Kunihiko Ikuhara/Be-Papas. Not me. Not you either. Unless you happen to be one of the aforementioned persons, which I highly doubt. So there. ::sticks tongue out:: 


End file.
